apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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