i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
