Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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