doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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