considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
