I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
