There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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