wrigley field is MILF paradise
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
