You really coming over, don't trick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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