Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
