Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
