matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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