Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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