I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
