Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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