I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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