I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
