cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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