so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
