i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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