i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
