I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
