He asked to "fluff my boner.."
home. puking in laundry basket.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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