One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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