You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
