I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
