this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
