Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
