WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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