We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
