I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
