Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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