I think I am morally bankrupt
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
