my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
