grandma shit on top of the toilet
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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