i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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