Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
