I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I came so hard my ears popped.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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