Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
