The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
