i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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