Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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