Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I AM VODKA MAN
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
