I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
