how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
