shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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