I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
