He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
