Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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