it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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