im about as happy as oj after his trial
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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