first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
