peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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