I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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