that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
